the twenty-something sulks.

If I hear one more person tell me I "should" be in a good mood right now, I'm going to scream and throw things at them. Like a porcupine or something equally damaging. 


I'm very content to be in a bad mood right now. Don't ask me why, because it may not be something I can verbalize, or even conceptualize. I know; I graduated and I have a fabulous job waiting for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm BEYOND excited about that. I spent the hour ride back from Radford today dreaming with KFlo on what our classrooms are going to look like (themes? monkeys? jungles? aliens? porcupines?). 


I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe the abrupt and unhappy schedule change (going from student teaching with my best friend/mentor to two horrible summer classes...ugh), maybe the ending of a best friendship, maybe just a lot of change and a lot of responsibility coming up. Maybe getting everything you've ever wanted is equally exhilarating and terrifying. Maybe I've worked so hard so long and got just what I've always wanted I'm almost convinced I'll screw it all up. 


I was talking with the fabulous EM at BN last week about what a weird place "twenty-something" is. Southern cultural expectations say we should be married, close to it, having babies, and on with our lives. As much as I love kids, poufy dresses, and presents, all of that seems very far away. There's an expectation to figure it out, get it right, do the right thing, succeed, follow the norm. I think this generation is totally screwed up; I think our family lives fell apart, we fell apart, and instead of being functional during out twenties, we're busy trying to untangle the mess of our past. There's a reason so many college students come BACK home after graduation, there's a reason the marriage success rate is 50%, there's a reason we're all panicked and career switchers. We get to sulk for a bit if we want.


Well, I'm going to get busy not doing as much on the societal to-do list as possible. All I want to do is teaching some little beans a bit, and love them up a lot. I want to spend a sick amount of time making my classroom perfect, all for the goal of having children tear it up. I want to sleep late, sulk in my bed, read trashy romance, and be in a bad mood for no good reason. I want to ignore calls all weekend long and spend the weekend having long sweet talks with my puppy. 


So, yes, I should be in a good mood...but I'm too busy sulking. And in some sick way, that's what makes me happy right now.