post-rapture blues.

So, everyone is thinking about the end of the world. I'm not going to lie, as David, Kirk and I watched Harry Potter Friday night, I was peeking at David out of the corner of my eye at 10:59pm thinking if he poofed I was going to pee my pants.

That being said, I went to work today and we all had a good laugh at the followers expense. Then, we started talking about people who've quit their jobs, sold their belongings, and spent all their money to prepare for the end of the world. I started to feel sort of bad for these people. Obviously, there's blame to be had here, but I can't help but feeling sad for them.

Why do we do this? Our history has a tendency of starting movements, attracting followers, promising change, and then sheepishly hanging our heads when prophecies don't come to fruitation. So why? Why is it so enticing to throw caution to the wind and say yes, absolutely, even though what you're saying makes no sense, I'm willing to bet my life on it?

Maybe, possibly, is it hope? Or hopelessness? Or does the reason lay on the blurry line between the two? Life is so hard when you are without faith. Life is unbearable when you don't have something to believe in, someone to live for, and someone supporting you. These people weren't "stupid"- they were sad. They were down. They needed something to believe in, something to stand for, a reason to stand together.

No one wants to be alone; no one can bear going through life without anyone. So what do you do when it's all too much, when you're all too lonely, and you have no faith?

You find it. In the oddest places. Sometimes, you go to church and find God (this is good). Sometimes, you fall in love or find new friends (also good). You get a puppy, or a fish, or change jobs (+, +, +). We spend our whole lives trying desparately to find the pieces we deem missing. Sometimes...you find those places in movements, in cults, in groups, in raptures (usually bad).

So what do we do, post-rapture? What do we do when that regular comes in Barnes and Noble, the one who quit his job to hand out rapture based material?

It's so easy to laugh at him. I was laughing today. But maybe, this is the time to reach out. To remind those that are now more lost than ever that at the end of the day, we have each other. How else do you get through life? You can't tell me you haven't made a freaking huge mistake that has people rolling their eyes and talking behind your backs about you- we've all been there. That's who these people are- except everyone is laughing at them.

So I am going to try not to laugh. And try to love. Try to forgive, and try to move on. Isn't that what we all want, in the end, anyway?

the twenty-something sulks.

If I hear one more person tell me I "should" be in a good mood right now, I'm going to scream and throw things at them. Like a porcupine or something equally damaging. 


I'm very content to be in a bad mood right now. Don't ask me why, because it may not be something I can verbalize, or even conceptualize. I know; I graduated and I have a fabulous job waiting for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm BEYOND excited about that. I spent the hour ride back from Radford today dreaming with KFlo on what our classrooms are going to look like (themes? monkeys? jungles? aliens? porcupines?). 


I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe the abrupt and unhappy schedule change (going from student teaching with my best friend/mentor to two horrible summer classes...ugh), maybe the ending of a best friendship, maybe just a lot of change and a lot of responsibility coming up. Maybe getting everything you've ever wanted is equally exhilarating and terrifying. Maybe I've worked so hard so long and got just what I've always wanted I'm almost convinced I'll screw it all up. 


I was talking with the fabulous EM at BN last week about what a weird place "twenty-something" is. Southern cultural expectations say we should be married, close to it, having babies, and on with our lives. As much as I love kids, poufy dresses, and presents, all of that seems very far away. There's an expectation to figure it out, get it right, do the right thing, succeed, follow the norm. I think this generation is totally screwed up; I think our family lives fell apart, we fell apart, and instead of being functional during out twenties, we're busy trying to untangle the mess of our past. There's a reason so many college students come BACK home after graduation, there's a reason the marriage success rate is 50%, there's a reason we're all panicked and career switchers. We get to sulk for a bit if we want.


Well, I'm going to get busy not doing as much on the societal to-do list as possible. All I want to do is teaching some little beans a bit, and love them up a lot. I want to spend a sick amount of time making my classroom perfect, all for the goal of having children tear it up. I want to sleep late, sulk in my bed, read trashy romance, and be in a bad mood for no good reason. I want to ignore calls all weekend long and spend the weekend having long sweet talks with my puppy. 


So, yes, I should be in a good mood...but I'm too busy sulking. And in some sick way, that's what makes me happy right now.