First grade...fantastic!

Wow. I guess it takes a while to sink in, huh? Today has been a blur but I want to write down as much as possible- for two reasons. First of all, I want all of the people- the family, the friends, the mentors, the teachers- to know how truly amazing my first day was. Second of all, I want to always, always remember this feeling. I want to be able to go back on the inevitable bad days and remember why I'm doing this, and for who.


I got to school super early- 6:45am, and the kiddos get there around 7:35am. I didn't really have much to do- but it felt better to be there, sort of centering myself. I walked in and this was on my desk:

from my 1st grade team. Isn't that an amazing thing to walk in on? I'd also like to mention that last week, a 3rd grade teacher left a goody bag on my desk, and the 5th grade team left another basket (with Starbucks) on my desk. Seriously, I am at the best school. Everyone is just as amazing and supportive as they sound!


My first kiddo came through the door, and I stood at the door and greeted her, as per The First Days of School instructed. I fully intended to do this for each and every child but...that sort of fell apart when each kiddo walking in had a handful of supplies and needed to know exactly where their stuff went :) So, I wasn't at the door, but I did greet each and every child. 


I showed them where their stuff went and they got busy with puzzles, computers, and blocks while I settled everyone else/fed them breakfast (we do it in the classroom). Honestly, they were awesome. They found their spot pretty easily and knew the routine. After we cleaned up breakfast, we sat in a circle on the carpet and introduced ourselves. 
We went around singing a "I got froggies in my pond, jumping up so high! Jump [student's name], jump jump jump! Jump [student's name] jump jump jump! Jumping up so hiiiiigh!" song- they LOVED it. It helped them remember everyone's name and was also a total icebreaker. Then, did a SHORT calendar, we read Back to School, Splat! and talked about how we got ready for school in the morning. I "unpacked" my "backpack", which had a pillow pet (for sleep), a Star Wars cup (for fun), a coffee cup (for nutrition...hahaha- I told them it was made with milk!), and a photo of friends (for...friends). (Side note- one of my pictures of friends was a picture of Chelsie, who is in China teaching. This led to a LENGTHY discussion of Chelsie and her roommate Theresa in China and lots of wishing for more pictures of that!) I told them I'd like them to "make" a backpack and write whatever THEY needed to be successful in first grade. Here is the sample backpack I made:

And here are some of the other backpacks made- they did a FANTASTIC job!

Notice the second one needs "awesomeness" to be successful....I completely agree!


Then it was time for recess, which brought tears from the one little girl who didn't have tennis shoes and therefor couldn't get on the equipment. I TOTALLY wanted to say "Okay...just for today..." but I KNEW she knew the rule from last year (apparently it was such a battle last year she just KEPT shoes at school!) and I knew I had to be consistant...so it's okay. I wrote a note home so hopefully she'll bring tennis shoes tomorrow.


After recess we read another book, First Grade Here I Come!, and did a few more puzzles and games. 


Lunch time was pretty uneventful, a bit stressful getting them through the line, but they were total champs. I ate lunch with them (we all do that at the school) and that was nice. After lunch we read 2 chapters of Flat Stanley, and then worked a little bit on a graphing sheet- how many tables in the room, etc etc. After that, it was time for music, then we had snack, and then it was basically time to go home!


Side notes...things I'll want to remember about my first year:

• Everyone...and I mean EVERYONE...stopped in to check on me or ask how my first day was. It was SO nice
• One of my kiddos brought me an apple- no joke. She did it with a big cheeky grin on her face, too
• I wanted to try the Whole Brain Teaching approach- (class- yes! classity class- yessity yes) but didn't know how they'd handle it...they ROCKED! They caught RIGHT ON!
• Day One of "yes, thank you" a la Debbie Miller...it IS SO CUTE! When they raise their hand, I say "Yes, John?" and they say "Yes, thank you...." and say whatever it is they wanted to say- EVERY TIME. I explained to them when we say "yes, thank you" this way, we're saying "yes, I've got something to say, thank you for listening"- THEY WERE SO AWESOME! Some of them literally caught on right away- it was amazing! Some of them need reminding each time- so what, it's their first day! They rock! I set the bar super high and they flew up and reached it!
• What's the big, big picture? What do I want to remember forever? I want to remember that these kids rock. I want to remember that I will treat each and every one of these kids like they are a future President. I'm not trying to brag, but I actually have the smartest, most amazing, most spectacular class...probably in the world. I want to remember my kiddo who transferred from another school and was scared to death- he wouldn't join in at first so I just gave him time. I want to remember the way he slowly, slowly started opening up, and by the end of the day, came back for a second hug before getting on the bus. That made my day. He made my day. These kids are truly amazing. They came to school ready to learn, and excited. I was surrounded by supportive, enthusiastic, amazing teachers who are there for me always. Seriously...what more can I ask for? It was a wonderful, amazing, fantastic day. I am so blessed. 

I'm thinking....

...about math centers. Since 1st grade SOLs cover economics and money, I'm going to have one of my math centers be a lemonade stand! Basically, I'm going to stock it with a limited about of (plastic) lemons, sugar, cups, and pitchers, and (play) money. By using the lemonade stand as a math center, students will be  learning about scarcity (how many cups can you make?), money sense (part of the center will be the requirement that they "pay" each other for product), and opportunity cost (how much sugar do you have to forgo to make more lemonade?) also...just plain fun. below are some lemonade stands I'm looking at...I LOVE the Melissa & Doug one but can't afford it, so I asked the advice of the always smart Colby R., and he said I could get a box built for me and then I could paint it white and decorate it. what do you think?

LOVE this one. want it. someone buy it 

for my classroom and feel good 

about your investment in the lives

of children?

they sell this one at Chasing Fireflies

(but you buy the decals separate so

it's almost the cost of M&D) but I think

I could make it

 turn a box into this?

make Colby help me?

why is there a small door at the bottom?

entrance for mice?

classroom planning is so fun :)

it's a hoot to be in first grade....

want to see what 1st grade in Ms. Clark's class is going to look like?

 desk top reminder of good friends

owl theme :)

whooooo's coming to calendar time?

                                                        a scary good time 

                                                      oh organization....

 thank you, warehouse sale...

                                                    #1 goal, # sense.... 

 and of course, reading centers... 

                               
  never forget where you've came from and how hard you've worked....

 lots of reading ahead....

  

 more later :) 

post-rapture blues.

So, everyone is thinking about the end of the world. I'm not going to lie, as David, Kirk and I watched Harry Potter Friday night, I was peeking at David out of the corner of my eye at 10:59pm thinking if he poofed I was going to pee my pants.

That being said, I went to work today and we all had a good laugh at the followers expense. Then, we started talking about people who've quit their jobs, sold their belongings, and spent all their money to prepare for the end of the world. I started to feel sort of bad for these people. Obviously, there's blame to be had here, but I can't help but feeling sad for them.

Why do we do this? Our history has a tendency of starting movements, attracting followers, promising change, and then sheepishly hanging our heads when prophecies don't come to fruitation. So why? Why is it so enticing to throw caution to the wind and say yes, absolutely, even though what you're saying makes no sense, I'm willing to bet my life on it?

Maybe, possibly, is it hope? Or hopelessness? Or does the reason lay on the blurry line between the two? Life is so hard when you are without faith. Life is unbearable when you don't have something to believe in, someone to live for, and someone supporting you. These people weren't "stupid"- they were sad. They were down. They needed something to believe in, something to stand for, a reason to stand together.

No one wants to be alone; no one can bear going through life without anyone. So what do you do when it's all too much, when you're all too lonely, and you have no faith?

You find it. In the oddest places. Sometimes, you go to church and find God (this is good). Sometimes, you fall in love or find new friends (also good). You get a puppy, or a fish, or change jobs (+, +, +). We spend our whole lives trying desparately to find the pieces we deem missing. Sometimes...you find those places in movements, in cults, in groups, in raptures (usually bad).

So what do we do, post-rapture? What do we do when that regular comes in Barnes and Noble, the one who quit his job to hand out rapture based material?

It's so easy to laugh at him. I was laughing today. But maybe, this is the time to reach out. To remind those that are now more lost than ever that at the end of the day, we have each other. How else do you get through life? You can't tell me you haven't made a freaking huge mistake that has people rolling their eyes and talking behind your backs about you- we've all been there. That's who these people are- except everyone is laughing at them.

So I am going to try not to laugh. And try to love. Try to forgive, and try to move on. Isn't that what we all want, in the end, anyway?

the twenty-something sulks.

If I hear one more person tell me I "should" be in a good mood right now, I'm going to scream and throw things at them. Like a porcupine or something equally damaging. 


I'm very content to be in a bad mood right now. Don't ask me why, because it may not be something I can verbalize, or even conceptualize. I know; I graduated and I have a fabulous job waiting for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm BEYOND excited about that. I spent the hour ride back from Radford today dreaming with KFlo on what our classrooms are going to look like (themes? monkeys? jungles? aliens? porcupines?). 


I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe the abrupt and unhappy schedule change (going from student teaching with my best friend/mentor to two horrible summer classes...ugh), maybe the ending of a best friendship, maybe just a lot of change and a lot of responsibility coming up. Maybe getting everything you've ever wanted is equally exhilarating and terrifying. Maybe I've worked so hard so long and got just what I've always wanted I'm almost convinced I'll screw it all up. 


I was talking with the fabulous EM at BN last week about what a weird place "twenty-something" is. Southern cultural expectations say we should be married, close to it, having babies, and on with our lives. As much as I love kids, poufy dresses, and presents, all of that seems very far away. There's an expectation to figure it out, get it right, do the right thing, succeed, follow the norm. I think this generation is totally screwed up; I think our family lives fell apart, we fell apart, and instead of being functional during out twenties, we're busy trying to untangle the mess of our past. There's a reason so many college students come BACK home after graduation, there's a reason the marriage success rate is 50%, there's a reason we're all panicked and career switchers. We get to sulk for a bit if we want.


Well, I'm going to get busy not doing as much on the societal to-do list as possible. All I want to do is teaching some little beans a bit, and love them up a lot. I want to spend a sick amount of time making my classroom perfect, all for the goal of having children tear it up. I want to sleep late, sulk in my bed, read trashy romance, and be in a bad mood for no good reason. I want to ignore calls all weekend long and spend the weekend having long sweet talks with my puppy. 


So, yes, I should be in a good mood...but I'm too busy sulking. And in some sick way, that's what makes me happy right now.

colors

This week has been full of the bittersweet. All within three days, I signed my letter of intent for my job here in Virginia and also received my passport- just in time to go to D.C. over my spring break to apply for my visa- which, of course, I don't have to do anymore.

I told a little girl today in that singsongy voice we (for some reason) use with kids, "green doesn't look good on you!"
can any of my friends tell me if...green looks good on me?

I don't know how I feel, exactly. I feel certain in my choice that it was best. What color is certainity? A steady, tranquil, blue? I feel excited, elated, giggly, and ready for the future, and I'd call that color bright orange, maybe.

There's that nagging sense of green. A little jealous, and maybe a little grief. It's so ironic that I mentioned below about all major choices carrying tiny strings of regret...and now I literally feel those strings, dangling invisibly behind me where ever I walk.

Loss, regret, and jealousy are heavy feelings. They can hit you at any time. They can hit you when you start cracking up in the car and reach for your phone, only to slowly pull your hand back when you remember that your call is not welcome. I remember, during a breakup, the time I missed him most was when I would leave work for the day, because that was the time I called him every day, without fail. It's those mundane, every day moments when loss hits you like a punch in the face. That is literally how it feels
every.
single.
time.
A punch in the face, a punch that says Imissyou and I'msorry and didIchooseright and ohmygodwhatamIdoing and doesthisfeelinggoaway...all at once.

I know I made the right choice. I feel strong and steady in that, and don't get me wrong, I am so excited. God has big and major plans for me, and I can't wait to begin.

I watched that kiddo's brother make swirls of color on his paper, faster and faster, until all the colors bled together into a swirl of greyish muck. If you looked closely, you could see wispy greens, bright reds, and soft blues peekly out of the curves of his swirls.

His sister looked distainfully at his colors and said, "He's making a yucky mess". I reflexively said, "Maybe he likes his mess. Maybe that's just the way he likes it."

Well....

decisions, decisions.

What makes a decision? Is it fear of success, or fear of failure? Is it trying to stay, or trying to go? The desire for comfort, or escape?

I've repeated a lot of phrases lately, as follows:

This is the only time in my life I'll be able to do this.

If I don't do this, I'll regret it forever.

The things you regret in life are the things you don't do.

A year isn't so long. It'll be over in the blink of an eye.

For someone who has been so fond of sprouting out those cliched phrases lately, what the hell do they mean, anyway? A year "may not be so long", but think about everything that can change in a year. Life, death, marriages, divorces, loss, gain, grief, joy.

How do you make a decision like this? How do you decide to leave everything you've ever known, to fly out into the unknown? How do you leave the very things that make you feel safe, happy, and loved? How do you leave the very people that complete you? The people who hold you up when you feel most down? Who am I without those people? Am I just scared to find out? When you strip away everything I claim makes me ME, when you strip away everything I've built myself upon, what's left, exactly?

People have such faith in me that I'll make the "right" decision. Is any decision ever right? Or does every decision have tiny strings of regret and wonder attached? Is it human nature to lie awake and wonder what if what if what if?

No worries. It's just a year, after all. This is the only time in my life I'll be able to do this, and I'll totally regret not doing it. After all, it's the things you don't do in life that you end up regretting.

Right?